I know this is a long entry……but there is no way to explain the experience other than what follows.

Mr. Law called while I was on break at work & his first question to me was “So why did your last relationship end?” I said I didn’t feel like talking about it and fired the same question back at him. It turned out that his last major relationship was almost 4 years ago & she was married at the time they met & started dating. She wanted out & used him to do so. They lived together for a couple of years & she grew tired of him not making the money she wanted to be supported with so she left him to pursue older, richer men. Ummm…..you dated a married woman idiot.  This had made him bitter towards NY women.

We chatted more & I had to get going because I had class.

He called me right after that next class and I picked up. Big mistake. I said “Hello?” He said “Hey you”. Whoah! I already don’t have a name & I’m a “hey you” person on the list. I don’t like that. His first question was “I hear the internet has caused a huge problem with plagiarism at the college level. How do you deal with this?” An odd question, but I answered. He then said “Okay, but what if they take info from various sites & you can’t find one specific source that they downloaded a paper from?” I answered that as well. “But what if they’ve just read the piece a lot and have discussed it with other teachers, say from high school, and they don’t even realize that their idea isn’t really theirs? Isn’t that plagiarism? And how do you deal with that?” I shot back with “Counselor, I feel like I am a witness being badgered” (he laughs) and I continued “Do you talk like this to everyone?” He said “No”. I said “Then you just speak to me this way?” “No.” I laughed and said “then what is it?” He became a bit agitated and said “I thought you wanted someone who connected with you on levels and I am trying to show you that I am keeping up with your profession and that I understand what it is you go through”. Oh if he only knew what I really go through. I replied with “Well, that’s very nice but I don’t define myself wholly by my job. I want to connect with someone on levels of conversation, movies, values, food, music…….. have you ever had a song stuck in your head and you tried everything to get rid of it but it isn’t working?” So he asks “What is the group?” Now, I would have asked ‘what song’ but not Mr. Law. I told him Nickelback. He said “Who? I’m old remember? I don’t know the names of these new little groups.” “Hello? They are not a new little group. They have been around a couple of years and opened for Bon Jovi this past summer. As well they just had concerts in the city in November.” He was silent and said “Oh yeah?”

At this point I said I had to go but I could call him for my ride to my next stop if that was okay. He said fine.

I like talking on the phone while I drive because it limits the time I have to talk to someone. especially when I am not sure I want to, or should be talking to, that person. So when I called back he answered “hey you”. I just said “Hi. Mr. Law. It’s Grotter”. I asked him if he had bothered to look up Nickelback and he hadn’t. I pointed out that if was taking an interest in such a younger woman he would have done so already.

Moving on I asked him if he was still going to Fla. that upcoming weekend. He said that his friend backed out & he wished he had a girlfriend to go with instead. I said I wish I was just going to Fla….with someone or alone…..wouldn’t matter to me. It’s at this point he says “So come with me.” Kidding around I replied “Okay”. He was shocked & silent. I giggled and said “Lighten up. I was kidding!” He said “We could get separate rooms if you didn’t want to share.” I said “I can’t go away with you. I haven’t even met you yet”. “No really, we can get separate rooms That’s okay with me”. BELLS AND WHISTLES GOING OFF BIG TIME!

“Ummm……no. Sorry but I have this policy that I don’t go away with men I don’t know. Call me crazy but it’s worked for me so far.”

So I told him about Cowboy because he asked again & then he said “Describe him to me. Age, height, hair & eye color, education, job” I said “Why?” He said it would give him insight into the kind of guy I go for. Well, I pointed out that it didn’t work and I may not want that type again. I also pointed out that he is too hung up on the education thing and just because you have a degree doesn’t make you a genius in the dating world.

I won’t go on much longer. But I will say that this guy is already trying too hard in that he thinks he knows women and yet is applying all of the wrong issues to me. He asks me a question, interrupts my response and tells me how I am wrong about something specific to myself. I would meet him for coffee…..who knows why….but I had this feeling that I would be walking out leaving him there. Just a hunch.

That is the best thing you can do when interacting with a person.  Just relax.  Breathe.  Be yourself.  You may as well let the person see you for who you really are right up front rather than lead them into a false sense of who you are only to have them end up not liking the real you.

Don’t put on airs.  Trust me.  To act snobbish or as if you think that by acting like you are better than others the person will want to be with you is truly a turn-off.  Don’t talk down to others.  And don’t let a college degree stand in the way of wanting to try and get to know a person.  I have dated many people; some with degrees from college and some with no college experience at all.  A college degree is just a piece of paper stating that you are more knowledgeable in a particular field or area of study and does not make one omniscient.  Mr. Law has a couple of degrees (obviously) but that doesn’t make him smart, fun, or a good people-person.  And because he would hang each comment on that law degree, it became a turn-off real fast.  It was as if he had something to prove to me and everyone around him. 

If you have a college degree, great!  If not, that’s fine.  But be secure with who you are, what you do, and how you support yourself.  If you are not secure with yourself, it will show.  And those insecurities will spill over onto that new person.  And that is not fair. 

Just be yourself and people will like you for who you are.

I received an email from the site on a Saturday from Mr. Law. The email he sent sounded intelligent, so I read his profile. He seems interesting, has travelled a lot, and wants someone who “likes the finer things in life”. Hey buddy…if you’re paying I will like them!

So I sent him back an email that was very direct. I told him what I do and a bit about my views & values that I deem important to me & a person I may potentially date. He responded quickly and then gave me his # as he’d be in the neighborhood.

I was driving to meet to meet a friend for dinner so I decided to call. Calling while heading towards a destination is great because if it’s painful, the conversation is extremely limited and the person realizes you are hanging up because of the task at hand, and not the fact that they are making you wish you stuck your finger in your eye and swirled it around for a bit.

Mr. Law had a nice voice, spoke well, and asked me about teaching English. We talked for 20 minutes and all went well. Until the end when he said “We should meet up sometime soon to discuss ‘War & Peace’”. This may seem funny to some of you but he was serious. I had to tell him 3 times that my friend was waiting for me & I had to go. He didn’t get and finally said “Oh. You have to go?” Umm…he was talking about geneology and how he would like to do some medical test to determine exactly where his ancestors are from.  That’s great and all but way too heavy for a fist phone conversation, especially when I stated that I had to hang up.

He called my cell the next day & left me the most vague mesage that said: “It’s Mr Law.  Going to lunch if you want to give me a call”. I did not hear the Mr. Law part & played it 3 times until I thought I heard that.

And when I was on the internet that same evening he ims me. Here’s how it went:

ML: hey
me: hi
ML: how are you doing?
me: freezing!
ML: Yeah I will probably go to Fla or Mexico this weekend to warm up
me: that’s right, rub it in
ML: well, if we were dating you’d be going with me
me: yeah–I guess that’s how it would work.  did you call me today?
ML: yes, from work.
me: Oh, I thought so but wasn’t sure because it was so vague and so soft  spoken
ML: Oh, okay. I was at work. I have to be professional.

……randon crap random crap randon crap…………….

me: so, if I may ask, what is it that you do for a living? I told you and we even talked about it a bit, but I do not know what it is you do.

ML: I’m a lawyer for Child Services. I hope you approve.
me: Of?
ML: me

this is where I got lost……………

me: I only ask because many find my profession to be a deterrent. But not to a lawyer I guess.
ML: only to those uneducated. I find it a HUGE asset

He then went on to tell me how he can not and will not date someone who does not have at least a BA. I pointed out that this does not necesarily mean anything, but he disagreed for his personal reasons. That’s fine. But I felt like I was going up against someone who “thinks who he is”.  Being a snob is one thing. An academic snob is another. And full of yourself is something I can not deal with. I would keep trying with him, but I was not promising anything.

This is finishing the never gonna happen meeting with Mr Sarcasm.

I had posted a couple weeks ago about a man referred to as Mr. Sarcasm.  He was sarcastic in his profile and gave me a difficult time when I didn’t get the sarcasm and tried to explain that I was only interested in meeting someone who was going to be upfront and honest from the beginning.  I should have listened to myself. 

Mr. Sarcasm had been iming me the instant my name popped up on the aol screen. My laptop was running slow and the screen was not even open when his im would appear. Had we gone out on a couple of dates, I may have found this charming or endearing.  But, we’d talked on the phone 4 times over a month; but that’s it.

And each time we talked, I became more and more turned off by him. He disclosed way too much information to me. He didn’t ask me questions about myself, other than the married-like “How was your day?” question. Bleh!

He called me while I was out with my friend (and keeper of this site) Doug, & left me — count them — two messages. So I felt bad & called him back. He pounced and wanted to know when we could meet. I was trapped and told him we could meet on Monday at 7:30ish.

So Wednesday I get the email “When are we meeting again?” and I said Monday. Thursday he called and talked about horrific things he’s seen as a cop that I specifically asked him to stop telling me about. I should have hung up the phone but I felt it would be rude….stupid manners….and stayed on.

I got the email that Saturday about us meeting on Monday. It was confirming the time and place AGAIN! Am I the only one listening to our conversations?

And what did I find in my inbox for emails that Monday? Another one saying how nice it was that we were meeting at 7:00. Wait. We said 7:30. And now I was not going.

I was just not interested.  How could he keep contacting and talk about nothing?  How could he set something up a week in advance and not remember the basics of the date HE was setting up?  This was already too much wasted effort on someone who did not truly seem interested in getting to know me or starting out a possible relationship on the right foot.

I have also checked my profile and every time he talked to me he checked out my profile. As if he needed a refresher of who it was he was contacting.  How about if you haven’t retained any of the info from it or from speaking with me, I can’t be bothered. I need someone with some form of memorization skills. ACK!

If you are using dating sites you know how long it takes to fill out the profiles.  That means you also know how long it can take to read through someone’s profile.  But, if you do read the entire profile, it can save you a lot of time and (potentially) wasted effort.  If you are looking to casually date, try not to contact people who are on there specifically for long term/marriage.  While you may see the person as a great time and have fun getting to know them, they may be looking at a fast-track to permanence.  As well, if a deal-breaker for you is dating someone who is married but “looking to explore”, then be sure to read the profiles of those who contact you.

It specifically stated in my profile that I wanted long-term/marriage and that I was not interested in people who are looking to hang out, casually date, or are already married or separated. 

I was contacted by a man who was “looking to explore”.  I sent it back thanking him but stating that I was not interested because of his situation and asked if he had even read my profile.  He replied that, yes, he had read my profile but felt he had to try anyway since he and his wife have an open relationship.

That’s great for them, but that’s not for me.  Save yourself the time, effort, and getting your hopes up.  Read the profile.

He is not a real doctor, nor do I actually know why he would refer to himself as such. It’s his screen name on the match site & it’s even his email address. He sent me an email when I first signed up & I had replied within a day.

We email-tagged on the site for two days & then he told me to email him at his personal account. So I did. And it took him 2 weeks to reply. I lost interest by this point. And when he did reply it was him answering my questions and not asking me any.

I decided to go off to seek a second opinion. See ya, Doc!

If you read the tip from last week, you understand why I would be frustrated.  This was just another example.