It had been awhile since I had heard from Mr. Unemployed. Remember, I had called him & he didn’t pick up the phone because he didn’t recognize the number. Then he had no problem texing me that same night only because I had chatted with him online. I then called him again and spoke for a bit.

He sent me a text saying good morning the next day & then sent me an ecard for my birthday. That was it. I had not heard from him since. I sent him a ‘thank you’ email for the ecard. I then sent him a text that Friday night that he responded to he ‘didn’t know who it was contacting him’. Didn’t you have my name in your phone? I had his…..I have all of their’s so I know who it is calling & which ones to pick up & which to avoid.

I’d seen him online numerous times all week & figured I was not about to continue being the initiator in this because is should be a two-way deal.

I got tired of the nonsense & sent him an email that said it’d been nice chatting but I was not feeling anything because there’s no effort on his part. It was a nice email but still not something someone wants to get, I guess.

He emailed me back all of the reasons why he had not contacted me: I have a hectic schedule, he’d seen me online but didn’t want to bother me, would call my cell but I may be in class, and he had been adjusting to his now work schedule. Remember he was unemployed for 6 months.

So I sent it back saying he did not have to break it all down for me, but people call people all of the time at all hours. And usually people getting the call will answer if they can or call back later if it isn’t a good time.   That’s also the point of a voicemail…..or so I had thought.

He sent it back that he has enough friends, did not want to chat with me if we were not going to try and meet & that so far the score is 1-0, me up, because we talked once on the phone. EW!

So I sent it back that if he wanted to be technical, then its 2-0 with zero for him. I also pointed out it was me who sent the texts, not him.

This was all so silly. I have no time for games. I want people who are paying for this stupid site to put some effort into this….not let it all be on me because I “might be busy”.

(Disclaimer:  I had written this on March 4th but waited to post it.  Then Lori, an AOL staff writer posted her article yesterday about something very similar.  So, realize that this is not a spin-off of hers.  It was and is all mine.)

Scene:  a date early on in the getting-to-know-you stage

You have gone out a few times and enjoyed each one.  You aren’t sure if you like the person or not.  You aren’t sure if the other person likes you or not.  Its that vague “waiting game” to see if plans will be made again and if this is going to go anywhere.

You leave feeling pretty good about how things have been going.  The other person says “I’ll call you tomorrow”.  This is a good sign.  Tomorrow comes and no call.  Hmmmmmm……..    The next day is the same:  no call.  Then you start checking your texts and emails to see if the person left you a message that way.  Nope.  So, that’s it?  It’s already over?  It barely began!

Be adult about this people!  If you go out on one date or a few dates and just ‘aren’t feeling it’, then say so!  Call the person and tell them that it was nice getting to know them but “this” just isn’t for you.  If you are too chicken to call and its been less than four dates, send an email saying “Thank you but no thank you”.

  Nobody appreciates going out on a few dates with someone to have them diappear and not even have the courtesy to mention it.  And it seems all too accepted and common in today’s dating scene.

Well, if you want to be a grown-up and go out on dates, then you need to also be able to tell someone when it just isn’t the right fit for you.  It goes back to that whole courtesy thing I’ve mentioned in past posts.  I’ve done it and received emails back thanking me for at least being honest and not just leaving the guy hanging.

Closure.  “It’s a good thing.”

I had received an email from a new guy on Match. He was oh so hot looking and sounded so nice. He’s an automechanic, can not spell to save his life, and this cutie contacted ME! From what the picture shows, he’s a hottie.  He did not do the stupid ‘wink’ thing. He actually emailed me the first time out. It was simple (kind of like how he comes across) and said “Hey…my name is Mr. Mechanic and I just wanted to say hi. Maybe you’d like to chat soon. Let me know. take care.”

I sent it back (after I stopped drooling & petting the screen) and kept it short & sweet. He then emailed me back and said that I have a great smile, seem like a sweet heart (yes 2 words) & he’d buy me a teddy bear (bc that’s what it said on my profile).

I had sent him my number & then my phone died. I know! Well, I got a phone/car charger for my birthday so that will not happen anymore. He called & left me a message. I LOVED LOVED LOVED how his voice sounded. The catch? He’s 21. But I said I needed a toy. So I guess this was it. God was smiling on me & sending me my birthday present. Oh how fun this could be!

I just saw a commercial for one dating site that asks you to sign up for their site over some of the others.  The commercial comments “Why would I need to sign up for a dating site for a year if they are matching me on my compatibility?” 

If you’ve been on dating sites, you know why it may take a year before you actually find someone and are “off the market”.  People lie.  Many people fill out the profiles with what they believe others want to hear or have and not the honest truth.

And that causes one to be matched up with people with whom they have nothing in common.  I was on a site for 9 months….not consecutively.  But, over the course of a year, I was on nine months.  Each time I signed up, I was matched with a lot of people who were nice or had similar interests, but the chemistry was not there.  I will say that, with each subscritpion, I did find that ONE to date that lasted for some time.  So, a year is not out of the question.

And, let’s face it, how long have you been doing it your way?  A few years.  And how is that working for you?  Huh?  Not well if you are still single and looking.  Be patient and give it time.  Don’t expect miracles.  Just go out and meet people and enjoy.  The relationship will eventually come.

I finally had a chance to call Mr Unemployed. He sent me his # a week earlier & I’d been biding my time for many reasons. Anyway, I decided to try calling him on my ride home from the Farm. It rang & rang & rang & he never picked up. Why? He doesn’t answer numbers that he does not recognize. Hello! Then why are you giving out your number to people you don’t yet know?

I was not going to leave a message because if you give me your # and tell me to call & then you don’t answer numbers that are not familiar………wait. Why am I playing this game?

So I logged on later that night & there is his screen name. I imed him telling him that I tried to call but didn’t leave a message. He said “Oh, that solves it. I was wondering who called me.” Dumb.

It just bugs me.

Well, around 10 pm the next night, I look at my blinking phone & seaw I had a text message:

“Have a good night. I will def pick up next time. Hope I didnt miss my one chance to talk with you”

UGH! Already you are texting me? Already you are doing the ‘familiar’ thing?

I am not a big fan of kissing on the first date.  A kiss on the cheek or a brief peck on the lips may be fine, but it won’t go beyond that.  And, when you are kissing someone, be gentle and take your time.

Too many people look to do some pretty heavy making out on a first or second date.  Its as if they are starving.  A friend of mine went out with a guy that she met on a site.  They sat at Starbucks talking away for their first date.  When they left, he walked her over to her car and then kissed her.  But it wasn’t a kiss.  He somehow managed to suck in her lower lip and wouldn’t release it. 

I, too, have been traumatized by what some people think is a good kiss.  I had one guy give me some dry, tight-lipped push on my lips that reminded me of what an elderly uncle would do to your cheek.  Horror! 

And another guy decided that his tight-lipped kiss wasn’t enough for him and proceeded to lick the area around my mouth as I sat there trapped.  Just took his tongue and traced my chin and the area between my nose and upper lip.  I’m still trying to find the right support group for that one.

Pay attention to the signals being sent by the other person. 

I know I sent out big signals to both bad kissers when my body tightened up and I tried to back away.  Somehow, they thought that meant lean in further.  Nope. 

Wanna have a successful first kiss?  Use chapstick.  Relax.  Be gentle.  Go slow.  Pay attention to signals.