My ex and I still talk.  Once in a blue moon.  We broke up nine years ago.  Gameboy is what I call him, because everything with him is a game.  His job is all strategy and game.  HIs relationships are games.  My emotions were somehting for him to play with….a.k.a. ‘game’. 

He was supposed to meet up with us on a Thursday night at a bar in NYC called Katwalk. Well, he never made it to the Katwalk, but he had said call him no matter what because he was going to drive me home. Nice! So I call & text him & get nothing. He had a meeting. So he calls me the next day & leaves me a message apologizing & says to call him back. So I do, but he doesn’t return the call.

Five days later, I got a text from him that said to call when I had a moment. So I called on my way out  & ended up leaving him a message. Shocker.  I then called him again when I was on my way home & could barely hear him. He was slurring his words & said something along he lines of his friend likes me and he feels bad & doesn’t know what to do & he is angry with me because he thinks I am seeing someone……….blah blah blah…………..and then hangs up on me.

I sent him a text two days later & did not hear  back from him. Oh the games we play!

Friday night brought about an interesting turn of events. My colleage/friend  & I had been chatting up the new librarian, “Crazy Joe” and thought it’d be fun to ask him to hang out. So, Crazy Joe, Christina & I all met up at Mulcahey’s for the last part of Happy Hour, some drinks, and some ‘getting to know you’ time. We had so much fun talking & laughing & sort of learning about the new young edition to the happy family that is Briar.

Then, Crazy Joe goes up to get us all drinks &, while he’s at the bar, this shy, low, close-talker slides over to the table and asks if he could buy us a drink. We politely declined & said that our friend was getting us drinks. Low/Close Talker (LCT) now tries to begin a conversation that neither of us could hear. Crazy Joe comes back, introduces himself &, thank goodness, for the first few minutes LCT was chatting up Christina. Crazy Joe & I flirted, as he admitted to being a HUGE flirt & if we are going to hang with him, we need to expect it. Then, somehow, LCT managed to work his way over to my side of the table. Great. I have this thing where I can’t be mean to someone who is trying to take a big step and approach someone. So, polite stupid me, I talk with him. Sort of. I can’t hear anything he is saying & he wasn’t saying much. He told me five times how my eyes are so beautiful. Yeah. The first time it was sweet. The second time was nice because he had something to focus on, I guess. But after that, come on. There has to be more to it than that. Weird. I mentioned that his friends seemed to disappear. He said they were waiting for a 4th to show & he’d be right back. With that, a girl shows up and is talking with LCT & the other 2 friends. I was relieved, thinking that his friend set him up on a blind date. Nope. LCT & the girl come back by me and she begins talking. She did most of the talking, as a matter of fact, and she was talking-up LCT. So when I said “Aren’t you guys on a date or something?” she said “NO! We’re cousins!”. WEIRD!

So she went back to their table and LCT stayed by us a bit more.

Crazy Joe had enough of the noise & wanted to grab a bite to eat. I was fine with that & as we were leaving, LCT asked for my number. Thankfully, Christina & I had an arrangement like that on the episode of ‘Friends’ where Monica makes all of Rachel’s dating decisions. I didn’t have to be the one to say ‘no’. Apparently, Christina didn’t have to say no either. After a bit of persuading, he managed to wrangle my number from her. Drat! He called my cell right there, but I couldn’t hear it, and she pointed this out to him. I guess he was checking to see if it was really mine.

Well, he called again about an hour later but I was busy. He left some random message saying how it was nice meeting me & he wants to get to know me better. Yeah. Fine. So I sent back a polite text the next morning saying “It was nice having met you, too. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your evening.” That was it.

Isn’t it odd that after all of his pursuing he did not contact me the next day? I mean, I was happy he didn’t but after all of that hassle & trouble, you think he would have, right?

It had been awhile since I had heard from Mr. Unemployed. Remember, I had called him & he didn’t pick up the phone because he didn’t recognize the number. Then he had no problem texing me that same night only because I had chatted with him online. I then called him again and spoke for a bit.

He sent me a text saying good morning the next day & then sent me an ecard for my birthday. That was it. I had not heard from him since. I sent him a ‘thank you’ email for the ecard. I then sent him a text that Friday night that he responded to he ‘didn’t know who it was contacting him’. Didn’t you have my name in your phone? I had his…..I have all of their’s so I know who it is calling & which ones to pick up & which to avoid.

I’d seen him online numerous times all week & figured I was not about to continue being the initiator in this because is should be a two-way deal.

I got tired of the nonsense & sent him an email that said it’d been nice chatting but I was not feeling anything because there’s no effort on his part. It was a nice email but still not something someone wants to get, I guess.

He emailed me back all of the reasons why he had not contacted me: I have a hectic schedule, he’d seen me online but didn’t want to bother me, would call my cell but I may be in class, and he had been adjusting to his now work schedule. Remember he was unemployed for 6 months.

So I sent it back saying he did not have to break it all down for me, but people call people all of the time at all hours. And usually people getting the call will answer if they can or call back later if it isn’t a good time.   That’s also the point of a voicemail…..or so I had thought.

He sent it back that he has enough friends, did not want to chat with me if we were not going to try and meet & that so far the score is 1-0, me up, because we talked once on the phone. EW!

So I sent it back that if he wanted to be technical, then its 2-0 with zero for him. I also pointed out it was me who sent the texts, not him.

This was all so silly. I have no time for games. I want people who are paying for this stupid site to put some effort into this….not let it all be on me because I “might be busy”.

At 8:15 the next  morning, I received a text from Mr. Law: “Hi!”

I saw it at 9am and did not bother to reply.

At 10am I got another one “Hi”

So I sent it back with the same greeting.

At 11:15 am “How’s the meeting?”

I sent it back 20 minuts later….”Boring”

I get it back rather quickly “Its hectic here. I wish I had boring” ( Which my mind is screaming “YOU ARE BORING”).

He then calls my cell at 12:45 “Hey you. I just wanted to call on my short lunch break to say hi and see how things are going. I have a meeting, a trial and another meeting all this afternoon. Hope you are having fun at the meeting.”

‘Hey you’? I don’t have a name? Or you are sooooooooooo comfortable with me & have moved our non-relationship up a few levels that this is the cutesy thing to do. How about don’t?

I ignore it. I get a text that evening: “So how was your day?”

I waited an hour to send it back “Fine” He sends it back right away “That’s good. Mine was crazy.” I sent it back “So are you on your way to Fla?” “No, I had to work late & will check now for availability.”

I was on aol and didn’t know that he was on & didn’t block him or put up an away message fast enough & there it is:

“So what type of food do you like?” I sent it back ”All types.”  He sends it again “Do you like to eat in Manhattan or LI?”  I text back ”Why?”  He sends it “Because I wanted to think of a place to take you to dinner.” I sent it back “Thank you, but I’ll have to say no. I don’t see this going anywhere.”    This is his reply to me saying no:  “Okay. We are different. I like to be active. I like to work out.”  I point out:  “I like to be active and work out, too.”                         “Ok.  It was nice meeting you. You have all of the qualities I am looking for in a woman.” “Thanks. Good luck.”

And let’s hope that is the end of the Trial of Tanya.

I was all set to meet Mr. Law at 9pm at B&N for coffee & conversations. We left off with I would call him to let him know I had finished at work & was on my way. I called at 8:55 to say I would be there in five minutes. He says he’ll be there at that time, too. I said I wanted to look for a book I needed & this is where it gets weird:

“So do you want me to go to TJ Max while you look for the book?”                 “No. You can look in the store, too, if you want.”                                                “Well, I just don’t want you to think I am smothering you if I tag along.” “Umm….well, we are meeting in a bookstore so why not look around while we are there?”                                                                                                                          “Do you want to go to the gym with me? We could do that instead.”                    “I just came from work & am all dressed and I don’t go to gyms, and we did say we’d meet for coffee.”                                                                                                       “I guess you’re right, but I have a visitor’s pass if you want to go.”                       “Again, thanks, but no. I am all dressed & have no clothes to use for working out.”                                                                                                                                              “Well, we could sit in the sauna and talk.”                                                                   “You can go to the gym and I will be at the store buying my book & getting coffee. I will be on the second level in the far right-hand corner.”

I get there precisely at 9pm and go off to find my book. I figured he’d be there within 5 minutes so I stalled, hoping to meet in the rows of books rather than right in the front of the store where all can see & hear us greet eachother for the first time. 9:10……9:20……no word……9:25 I decide to get on line & buy my book so I can go home. I had decided I didn’t really want to meet him and was only going through with this because I have found that if I take all opportunities, the one I really want does come along. Whereas if I close one door too soon….there aren’t any open.

Well, there’s one clerk at the registers and the customer up there is arguing something about her membership lapsing but she wants to renew at the un-lapsed price. So it takes a few minutes before the clerk can help me. Isn’t that when he texts me? “Where are you?” I sent it back “In the store”. “But where”………and I look up as I am texting a response to see this guy staring at me.

It’s him.

He is 2-3 inches shorter than he claimed & his hair was supposed to be blondish & was brown. He did not look at all like I expected him to look. So I shook his hand & said it was nice to finally meet him. We went to the counter to get coffee & I ordered my decaf, nonfat, caramel macchiatto. He looks at me and says “wow.” I said “What?” He said “What is that?” I replied with “Don’t you go to Starbucks?” “Nope” He got a diet soda.

I told him to take his soda & sit while I fixed my coffee. He follwed me instead. I could see I was leading this whole thing so I did what I had to do and then walked past him to sit down. I took off my coat (and I looked good by the way…..red sweater, black skirt & heels) and he just stood there. I went with the idea that if this lawyer with free airline travel for 2 all of the time on Delta is worth anything, I may as well look killer amazing. I know that sounds so “un-me” but I am sad, depressed, finding incompatible weirdos, and want to have a relationship and if this is the way to do it, so be it. He sits down & then quickly stands up to take off his black bulky sweater so he can sit in his black tshirt with his muscley biceps sticking out. Yeah–not impressed. And I am into arms……..but the whole package had turned me off already so this did nothing to sway me.

I asked him if he was going to Fla that weekend as he had whined about earlier. “Well, I don’t want to go alone & I have this “thing” that I feel as if the plane is going to crash or something.” I said I’d go anyway seeing as the chances of that happening are slim to none. He said “I don’t feel like going alone. You can still come if you want to.” “Ummm…..we talked about this, remember?” “Yeah. It’s too soon. I guess you are right.” Ah, the statement of the evening. Right up there with Mr. Box of Rox’s “Absolutely”.

So we talked a bit more. I asked him about his bias towards uneducated people. He whined a bit that he wants someone who can speak with professionals. I pointed out that just because someone has a degree it only makes them wise in that area. They can still be a moron. He said he likes someone who can speak well…..like me. I said “I can do the Long Island thing instantly (and did it) if you’d like”. To which he recoiled and looked at me as if I had lost it. Shocking to many who have heard me speak without it.

I tried to talk about music and concerts & the beach & casinos but he kept going to students & school and plagiarism. BORING! And that’s what I said to him. He then smiles at me and says “You are a beautiful, intelligent woman. Your ex is a fool to have let you go.” I said “I know. They are all fools for having done so. ” and I smiled that facetious grin that I do every now and again. He was serious. I was screwing around.

At 10:25 I decided it was time to go. I figured I’d be there an hour & then leave. An hour is good whether you like the person or not. It gives a fair assessment of whether you would want to sit with them again or if there is just nothing between you. So I told him I had meetings the next morning–true—and that it was best if I went home to prepare for them. He offered to walk me to my car because he was staying at the bookstore. I said “That’s okay, thank you, but I walked myself in here.” He said “No no. It’s not right for you to leave alone.” I said “I came in alone. I’m a big girl & I think I can walk myself out.” So he walked me to the door & I immedaitely stuck out my hand so we could shake….no more awkward NYU moments for me! My final words were “I’ll speak to you soon!” good blow-off line if you ask me.

I pretty much ran out of there as fast as my heels could go. Thank goodness I will never have to do that again.

I know this is a long entry……but there is no way to explain the experience other than what follows.

Mr. Law called while I was on break at work & his first question to me was “So why did your last relationship end?” I said I didn’t feel like talking about it and fired the same question back at him. It turned out that his last major relationship was almost 4 years ago & she was married at the time they met & started dating. She wanted out & used him to do so. They lived together for a couple of years & she grew tired of him not making the money she wanted to be supported with so she left him to pursue older, richer men. Ummm…..you dated a married woman idiot.  This had made him bitter towards NY women.

We chatted more & I had to get going because I had class.

He called me right after that next class and I picked up. Big mistake. I said “Hello?” He said “Hey you”. Whoah! I already don’t have a name & I’m a “hey you” person on the list. I don’t like that. His first question was “I hear the internet has caused a huge problem with plagiarism at the college level. How do you deal with this?” An odd question, but I answered. He then said “Okay, but what if they take info from various sites & you can’t find one specific source that they downloaded a paper from?” I answered that as well. “But what if they’ve just read the piece a lot and have discussed it with other teachers, say from high school, and they don’t even realize that their idea isn’t really theirs? Isn’t that plagiarism? And how do you deal with that?” I shot back with “Counselor, I feel like I am a witness being badgered” (he laughs) and I continued “Do you talk like this to everyone?” He said “No”. I said “Then you just speak to me this way?” “No.” I laughed and said “then what is it?” He became a bit agitated and said “I thought you wanted someone who connected with you on levels and I am trying to show you that I am keeping up with your profession and that I understand what it is you go through”. Oh if he only knew what I really go through. I replied with “Well, that’s very nice but I don’t define myself wholly by my job. I want to connect with someone on levels of conversation, movies, values, food, music…….. have you ever had a song stuck in your head and you tried everything to get rid of it but it isn’t working?” So he asks “What is the group?” Now, I would have asked ‘what song’ but not Mr. Law. I told him Nickelback. He said “Who? I’m old remember? I don’t know the names of these new little groups.” “Hello? They are not a new little group. They have been around a couple of years and opened for Bon Jovi this past summer. As well they just had concerts in the city in November.” He was silent and said “Oh yeah?”

At this point I said I had to go but I could call him for my ride to my next stop if that was okay. He said fine.

I like talking on the phone while I drive because it limits the time I have to talk to someone. especially when I am not sure I want to, or should be talking to, that person. So when I called back he answered “hey you”. I just said “Hi. Mr. Law. It’s Grotter”. I asked him if he had bothered to look up Nickelback and he hadn’t. I pointed out that if was taking an interest in such a younger woman he would have done so already.

Moving on I asked him if he was still going to Fla. that upcoming weekend. He said that his friend backed out & he wished he had a girlfriend to go with instead. I said I wish I was just going to Fla….with someone or alone…..wouldn’t matter to me. It’s at this point he says “So come with me.” Kidding around I replied “Okay”. He was shocked & silent. I giggled and said “Lighten up. I was kidding!” He said “We could get separate rooms if you didn’t want to share.” I said “I can’t go away with you. I haven’t even met you yet”. “No really, we can get separate rooms That’s okay with me”. BELLS AND WHISTLES GOING OFF BIG TIME!

“Ummm……no. Sorry but I have this policy that I don’t go away with men I don’t know. Call me crazy but it’s worked for me so far.”

So I told him about Cowboy because he asked again & then he said “Describe him to me. Age, height, hair & eye color, education, job” I said “Why?” He said it would give him insight into the kind of guy I go for. Well, I pointed out that it didn’t work and I may not want that type again. I also pointed out that he is too hung up on the education thing and just because you have a degree doesn’t make you a genius in the dating world.

I won’t go on much longer. But I will say that this guy is already trying too hard in that he thinks he knows women and yet is applying all of the wrong issues to me. He asks me a question, interrupts my response and tells me how I am wrong about something specific to myself. I would meet him for coffee…..who knows why….but I had this feeling that I would be walking out leaving him there. Just a hunch.

This is finishing the never gonna happen meeting with Mr Sarcasm.

I had posted a couple weeks ago about a man referred to as Mr. Sarcasm.  He was sarcastic in his profile and gave me a difficult time when I didn’t get the sarcasm and tried to explain that I was only interested in meeting someone who was going to be upfront and honest from the beginning.  I should have listened to myself. 

Mr. Sarcasm had been iming me the instant my name popped up on the aol screen. My laptop was running slow and the screen was not even open when his im would appear. Had we gone out on a couple of dates, I may have found this charming or endearing.  But, we’d talked on the phone 4 times over a month; but that’s it.

And each time we talked, I became more and more turned off by him. He disclosed way too much information to me. He didn’t ask me questions about myself, other than the married-like “How was your day?” question. Bleh!

He called me while I was out with my friend (and keeper of this site) Doug, & left me — count them — two messages. So I felt bad & called him back. He pounced and wanted to know when we could meet. I was trapped and told him we could meet on Monday at 7:30ish.

So Wednesday I get the email “When are we meeting again?” and I said Monday. Thursday he called and talked about horrific things he’s seen as a cop that I specifically asked him to stop telling me about. I should have hung up the phone but I felt it would be rude….stupid manners….and stayed on.

I got the email that Saturday about us meeting on Monday. It was confirming the time and place AGAIN! Am I the only one listening to our conversations?

And what did I find in my inbox for emails that Monday? Another one saying how nice it was that we were meeting at 7:00. Wait. We said 7:30. And now I was not going.

I was just not interested.  How could he keep contacting and talk about nothing?  How could he set something up a week in advance and not remember the basics of the date HE was setting up?  This was already too much wasted effort on someone who did not truly seem interested in getting to know me or starting out a possible relationship on the right foot.

I have also checked my profile and every time he talked to me he checked out my profile. As if he needed a refresher of who it was he was contacting.  How about if you haven’t retained any of the info from it or from speaking with me, I can’t be bothered. I need someone with some form of memorization skills. ACK!

My friend, Dawn, had gone out on two dates with a guy in three weeks.  He hadn’t called in about a week and she was fine with that.  She was not into dating him and said he hadn’t seemed interested either.  Until………………….

This guy called her and left a message on her voicemail:

     “Hey. It’s “J”. Just wanted to say that today is our one month anniversary. Happy Anniversary.”

Ummmm………….I almost dropped the phone. I said “I didn’t know you were an item.” She said “I didn’t know either”. She & I were both in shock that she had a boyfriend but didn’t even know it. ???????????????? Didn’t we stop doing things like that in college? I think the last guy who did that was freshman year & we did not have cellphones.

This dating thing is getting too weird.