LCT called. Three times. He called twice & then sent a text that said “please call”. He called 2 hours later & left a message: “Hi Tanya. This is LCT from Mulcaheys. Just calling to say hi and see what you are doing and to say that it was nice meeting you the other night. So give me a call & I’ll talk to you soon.”

OH SO PAINFUL!

So I figured I’d better call back before he sends out the National Guard looking to see if I really do exist or something. Our conversation was just as painful that afternoon as it was that Friday night in the bar. He didn’t have much to say. It took him 15 minutes of babbling and silence to finally ask if I wanted to grab a coffee or something. I told him that I would but I am not free until the following weekend. I (stupidly) mentioned that I was going to the city that Thursday with Christina (whom he says hello to) and he said “Oh! I wish I could go!” I said “yeah, well, so many wish they could but aren’t.” And I left it at that. I had to instruct him to call me mid-week. Not before and not after, as I would not be available and do not want endless messages on my cell. He said okay.

So now I am going to have to figure out how to go & politely let down this guy who took such a chance on approaching a woman in a bar that night. Why couldn’t he be normal?

Friday night brought about an interesting turn of events. My colleage/friend  & I had been chatting up the new librarian, “Crazy Joe” and thought it’d be fun to ask him to hang out. So, Crazy Joe, Christina & I all met up at Mulcahey’s for the last part of Happy Hour, some drinks, and some ‘getting to know you’ time. We had so much fun talking & laughing & sort of learning about the new young edition to the happy family that is Briar.

Then, Crazy Joe goes up to get us all drinks &, while he’s at the bar, this shy, low, close-talker slides over to the table and asks if he could buy us a drink. We politely declined & said that our friend was getting us drinks. Low/Close Talker (LCT) now tries to begin a conversation that neither of us could hear. Crazy Joe comes back, introduces himself &, thank goodness, for the first few minutes LCT was chatting up Christina. Crazy Joe & I flirted, as he admitted to being a HUGE flirt & if we are going to hang with him, we need to expect it. Then, somehow, LCT managed to work his way over to my side of the table. Great. I have this thing where I can’t be mean to someone who is trying to take a big step and approach someone. So, polite stupid me, I talk with him. Sort of. I can’t hear anything he is saying & he wasn’t saying much. He told me five times how my eyes are so beautiful. Yeah. The first time it was sweet. The second time was nice because he had something to focus on, I guess. But after that, come on. There has to be more to it than that. Weird. I mentioned that his friends seemed to disappear. He said they were waiting for a 4th to show & he’d be right back. With that, a girl shows up and is talking with LCT & the other 2 friends. I was relieved, thinking that his friend set him up on a blind date. Nope. LCT & the girl come back by me and she begins talking. She did most of the talking, as a matter of fact, and she was talking-up LCT. So when I said “Aren’t you guys on a date or something?” she said “NO! We’re cousins!”. WEIRD!

So she went back to their table and LCT stayed by us a bit more.

Crazy Joe had enough of the noise & wanted to grab a bite to eat. I was fine with that & as we were leaving, LCT asked for my number. Thankfully, Christina & I had an arrangement like that on the episode of ‘Friends’ where Monica makes all of Rachel’s dating decisions. I didn’t have to be the one to say ‘no’. Apparently, Christina didn’t have to say no either. After a bit of persuading, he managed to wrangle my number from her. Drat! He called my cell right there, but I couldn’t hear it, and she pointed this out to him. I guess he was checking to see if it was really mine.

Well, he called again about an hour later but I was busy. He left some random message saying how it was nice meeting me & he wants to get to know me better. Yeah. Fine. So I sent back a polite text the next morning saying “It was nice having met you, too. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your evening.” That was it.

Isn’t it odd that after all of his pursuing he did not contact me the next day? I mean, I was happy he didn’t but after all of that hassle & trouble, you think he would have, right?

It had been awhile since I had heard from Mr. Unemployed. Remember, I had called him & he didn’t pick up the phone because he didn’t recognize the number. Then he had no problem texing me that same night only because I had chatted with him online. I then called him again and spoke for a bit.

He sent me a text saying good morning the next day & then sent me an ecard for my birthday. That was it. I had not heard from him since. I sent him a ‘thank you’ email for the ecard. I then sent him a text that Friday night that he responded to he ‘didn’t know who it was contacting him’. Didn’t you have my name in your phone? I had his…..I have all of their’s so I know who it is calling & which ones to pick up & which to avoid.

I’d seen him online numerous times all week & figured I was not about to continue being the initiator in this because is should be a two-way deal.

I got tired of the nonsense & sent him an email that said it’d been nice chatting but I was not feeling anything because there’s no effort on his part. It was a nice email but still not something someone wants to get, I guess.

He emailed me back all of the reasons why he had not contacted me: I have a hectic schedule, he’d seen me online but didn’t want to bother me, would call my cell but I may be in class, and he had been adjusting to his now work schedule. Remember he was unemployed for 6 months.

So I sent it back saying he did not have to break it all down for me, but people call people all of the time at all hours. And usually people getting the call will answer if they can or call back later if it isn’t a good time.   That’s also the point of a voicemail…..or so I had thought.

He sent it back that he has enough friends, did not want to chat with me if we were not going to try and meet & that so far the score is 1-0, me up, because we talked once on the phone. EW!

So I sent it back that if he wanted to be technical, then its 2-0 with zero for him. I also pointed out it was me who sent the texts, not him.

This was all so silly. I have no time for games. I want people who are paying for this stupid site to put some effort into this….not let it all be on me because I “might be busy”.

I finally had a chance to call Mr Unemployed. He sent me his # a week earlier & I’d been biding my time for many reasons. Anyway, I decided to try calling him on my ride home from the Farm. It rang & rang & rang & he never picked up. Why? He doesn’t answer numbers that he does not recognize. Hello! Then why are you giving out your number to people you don’t yet know?

I was not going to leave a message because if you give me your # and tell me to call & then you don’t answer numbers that are not familiar………wait. Why am I playing this game?

So I logged on later that night & there is his screen name. I imed him telling him that I tried to call but didn’t leave a message. He said “Oh, that solves it. I was wondering who called me.” Dumb.

It just bugs me.

Well, around 10 pm the next night, I look at my blinking phone & seaw I had a text message:

“Have a good night. I will def pick up next time. Hope I didnt miss my one chance to talk with you”

UGH! Already you are texting me? Already you are doing the ‘familiar’ thing?

Mr. Unemployed….it turned out…..had just started a new job after 6 months. Yes. He originally said 1 but now it sneaks in there as 6. That’s a BIG difference. How did he plan to go out? I know he said  he was so excited because he was going out to Chilis! Well, I like Chilis and all, but when you can barely afford to take yourself there, where are you taking a date & am I (the date) paying? I don’t mind paying for myself…or the guy…..that was most of my relationship with my ex, Cowboy….but I am old-fashioned and do believe that if the man initiates the first couple of dates then he should plan the activity and pay. I’ve done enough “Bank of Tanya” transactions to not do it again.

We’ve emailed back & forth a couple of times. He’s shy. He doesn’t like bars or clubs (seems to be no negotiations on those), and he seemed ‘settled’ in his own ways. He has one single guy friend who likes to go out late/bars/drunk women and Mr. Unemployed is not into that so it seems that he sits home a lot.

I may have been making too many assumptions with this one, but I had not had luck on here yet, so I was not looking for much here either. When they start out lying (as all have so far) it doesn’t get much better. Plus, I feel as if I am going to fill a huge void/hole for the other person.  That is not my job and that is not what I want for myself.

I know this is a long entry……but there is no way to explain the experience other than what follows.

Mr. Law called while I was on break at work & his first question to me was “So why did your last relationship end?” I said I didn’t feel like talking about it and fired the same question back at him. It turned out that his last major relationship was almost 4 years ago & she was married at the time they met & started dating. She wanted out & used him to do so. They lived together for a couple of years & she grew tired of him not making the money she wanted to be supported with so she left him to pursue older, richer men. Ummm…..you dated a married woman idiot.  This had made him bitter towards NY women.

We chatted more & I had to get going because I had class.

He called me right after that next class and I picked up. Big mistake. I said “Hello?” He said “Hey you”. Whoah! I already don’t have a name & I’m a “hey you” person on the list. I don’t like that. His first question was “I hear the internet has caused a huge problem with plagiarism at the college level. How do you deal with this?” An odd question, but I answered. He then said “Okay, but what if they take info from various sites & you can’t find one specific source that they downloaded a paper from?” I answered that as well. “But what if they’ve just read the piece a lot and have discussed it with other teachers, say from high school, and they don’t even realize that their idea isn’t really theirs? Isn’t that plagiarism? And how do you deal with that?” I shot back with “Counselor, I feel like I am a witness being badgered” (he laughs) and I continued “Do you talk like this to everyone?” He said “No”. I said “Then you just speak to me this way?” “No.” I laughed and said “then what is it?” He became a bit agitated and said “I thought you wanted someone who connected with you on levels and I am trying to show you that I am keeping up with your profession and that I understand what it is you go through”. Oh if he only knew what I really go through. I replied with “Well, that’s very nice but I don’t define myself wholly by my job. I want to connect with someone on levels of conversation, movies, values, food, music…….. have you ever had a song stuck in your head and you tried everything to get rid of it but it isn’t working?” So he asks “What is the group?” Now, I would have asked ‘what song’ but not Mr. Law. I told him Nickelback. He said “Who? I’m old remember? I don’t know the names of these new little groups.” “Hello? They are not a new little group. They have been around a couple of years and opened for Bon Jovi this past summer. As well they just had concerts in the city in November.” He was silent and said “Oh yeah?”

At this point I said I had to go but I could call him for my ride to my next stop if that was okay. He said fine.

I like talking on the phone while I drive because it limits the time I have to talk to someone. especially when I am not sure I want to, or should be talking to, that person. So when I called back he answered “hey you”. I just said “Hi. Mr. Law. It’s Grotter”. I asked him if he had bothered to look up Nickelback and he hadn’t. I pointed out that if was taking an interest in such a younger woman he would have done so already.

Moving on I asked him if he was still going to Fla. that upcoming weekend. He said that his friend backed out & he wished he had a girlfriend to go with instead. I said I wish I was just going to Fla….with someone or alone…..wouldn’t matter to me. It’s at this point he says “So come with me.” Kidding around I replied “Okay”. He was shocked & silent. I giggled and said “Lighten up. I was kidding!” He said “We could get separate rooms if you didn’t want to share.” I said “I can’t go away with you. I haven’t even met you yet”. “No really, we can get separate rooms That’s okay with me”. BELLS AND WHISTLES GOING OFF BIG TIME!

“Ummm……no. Sorry but I have this policy that I don’t go away with men I don’t know. Call me crazy but it’s worked for me so far.”

So I told him about Cowboy because he asked again & then he said “Describe him to me. Age, height, hair & eye color, education, job” I said “Why?” He said it would give him insight into the kind of guy I go for. Well, I pointed out that it didn’t work and I may not want that type again. I also pointed out that he is too hung up on the education thing and just because you have a degree doesn’t make you a genius in the dating world.

I won’t go on much longer. But I will say that this guy is already trying too hard in that he thinks he knows women and yet is applying all of the wrong issues to me. He asks me a question, interrupts my response and tells me how I am wrong about something specific to myself. I would meet him for coffee…..who knows why….but I had this feeling that I would be walking out leaving him there. Just a hunch.

I received an email from the site on a Saturday from Mr. Law. The email he sent sounded intelligent, so I read his profile. He seems interesting, has travelled a lot, and wants someone who “likes the finer things in life”. Hey buddy…if you’re paying I will like them!

So I sent him back an email that was very direct. I told him what I do and a bit about my views & values that I deem important to me & a person I may potentially date. He responded quickly and then gave me his # as he’d be in the neighborhood.

I was driving to meet to meet a friend for dinner so I decided to call. Calling while heading towards a destination is great because if it’s painful, the conversation is extremely limited and the person realizes you are hanging up because of the task at hand, and not the fact that they are making you wish you stuck your finger in your eye and swirled it around for a bit.

Mr. Law had a nice voice, spoke well, and asked me about teaching English. We talked for 20 minutes and all went well. Until the end when he said “We should meet up sometime soon to discuss ‘War & Peace’”. This may seem funny to some of you but he was serious. I had to tell him 3 times that my friend was waiting for me & I had to go. He didn’t get and finally said “Oh. You have to go?” Umm…he was talking about geneology and how he would like to do some medical test to determine exactly where his ancestors are from.  That’s great and all but way too heavy for a fist phone conversation, especially when I stated that I had to hang up.

He called my cell the next day & left me the most vague mesage that said: “It’s Mr Law.  Going to lunch if you want to give me a call”. I did not hear the Mr. Law part & played it 3 times until I thought I heard that.

And when I was on the internet that same evening he ims me. Here’s how it went:

ML: hey
me: hi
ML: how are you doing?
me: freezing!
ML: Yeah I will probably go to Fla or Mexico this weekend to warm up
me: that’s right, rub it in
ML: well, if we were dating you’d be going with me
me: yeah–I guess that’s how it would work.  did you call me today?
ML: yes, from work.
me: Oh, I thought so but wasn’t sure because it was so vague and so soft  spoken
ML: Oh, okay. I was at work. I have to be professional.

……randon crap random crap randon crap…………….

me: so, if I may ask, what is it that you do for a living? I told you and we even talked about it a bit, but I do not know what it is you do.

ML: I’m a lawyer for Child Services. I hope you approve.
me: Of?
ML: me

this is where I got lost……………

me: I only ask because many find my profession to be a deterrent. But not to a lawyer I guess.
ML: only to those uneducated. I find it a HUGE asset

He then went on to tell me how he can not and will not date someone who does not have at least a BA. I pointed out that this does not necesarily mean anything, but he disagreed for his personal reasons. That’s fine. But I felt like I was going up against someone who “thinks who he is”.  Being a snob is one thing. An academic snob is another. And full of yourself is something I can not deal with. I would keep trying with him, but I was not promising anything.

He is not a real doctor, nor do I actually know why he would refer to himself as such. It’s his screen name on the match site & it’s even his email address. He sent me an email when I first signed up & I had replied within a day.

We email-tagged on the site for two days & then he told me to email him at his personal account. So I did. And it took him 2 weeks to reply. I lost interest by this point. And when he did reply it was him answering my questions and not asking me any.

I decided to go off to seek a second opinion. See ya, Doc!

If you read the tip from last week, you understand why I would be frustrated.  This was just another example.